♪ ♪ Well, your picture didn't lie.

Yours is an understatement.

ALICE: We'll go to my apartment.

♪ ♪ Have you ever been with the same person twice?

Tonight will be the first time.

This was my mistake.

PAUL: I mean, look, there's seven-and-a-half million people in this city.

We each just have to find a great one.

Who's Alice?

JACK: She's an ex.

ALICE: I'm sorry I turned up like this.

I just thought that your life stood still without me.

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ (train roaring, tracks clacking) PAUL: You have three options.

Option one: do not even think about accompanying Alice to her mother's funeral.

It's my personal favorite, in so much as it preserves the happy status quo and leaves Alice to the pages of history, where, in my opinion, she belongs.

Option two: Lie.

Lie like a rug.

Just say it's work or something and go.

Not very Jack-like, but it's not as though you'll get caught.

Option three: Ask Lynn if it would bother her if you went.

Ostensibly, this is respectful, but it's actually manipulative because it puts Lynn in a terrible position: either she says it would bother her and risks appearing insecure, or she says it wouldn't bother her, avoids appearing insecure, but it plants a small, emotionally cancerous nugget and your marriage may never recover.

I wouldn't advise option three, but if you choose it, you must then choose between sub-tactic A, which is lie about Alice's status in the rabbit warren that is your psyche.

Cast the whole funeral as a sort of mission of mercy undertaken for old time's sake, which you might think is the truth, but which I think is actually as big a lie as the other one, and which is not, by the way, guaranteed to prevent the cancerous nugget.

Or sub-tactic B: tell Lynn the whole, unvarnished truth about Alice, which is every bit as bad an idea as it was this morning.

That's my analysis.

(people conversing in background) (sighs) (small chuckle) (sighs) Sorry, love, I think some people just aren't supposed to wear ties.

It's a show of respect to make her feel better about her situation.

She's a pregnant woman with syphilis.

And she lives in Kent.

(chuckles) (chuckles) (exhales) (approaching footsteps, knocking) (door opening) Thank you for doing this.

(clicks tongue) Do you wanna tell me why you dread seeing your dad so much?

Is that the fare?

No.

(whispering): Thank you.

You look brilliant in your tie.

(seatbelt latching) ♪ ♪ (car door shuts) ♪ ♪ ALICE: You know, when I go, will you try and find me a cemetery that's really beautiful with a little plot next to people who look like they could've been interesting.

So, it'll be up to me?

Of course it will.

Here we go.

(quietly): Here we go.

That's me dad.

(clears throat) Hello, Alice.

Right, well, um... Jack, this is Randall.

Pleased to meet you.

Pleased to meet you.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Yeah, she was... one of the greats, Jack.

I'm sure she was.

Um, have you still got your parents?

Neither, I'm afraid.

Oh, no, they... they must have been so young.

Big hearts, but not strong ones, unfortunately.

Well, um, I thank you for coming and, and being there for my Alice.

Of course.

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ God will show us the path of life; in his presence there is the fullness of joy, and in his right hand, there is pleasure forevermore.

For so much as it hath pleased Almighty God of his great mercy... (distant, echoing): ...to take unto himself the soul of our dear sister Agnes... (door creaking) (voiceover): ...here departed... ♪ ♪ (breathing heavily) I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

(grunts) (crowd gasping) MOURNER: Randall?

(concerned chattering) JACK: Excuse me, sorry... Randall?

Randall?

Hey, Randall... Somebody call an ambulance, please.

Randall?

Randall?

Randall?

MOURNER: Hello, hi, we need an ambulance, please... Randall, can you hear me?

Randall... ♪ ♪ Randall... ♪ ♪ The deceased, Randall H. Long, was the widower of Agnes Long, who herself passed away just a couple days ago...

There we go... there we go.

...at the funeral he was attending with family and long-time friends.

Mr. Long apparently became distressed and then collapsed from what appears to have been a cerebral hemorrhage as the vicar and the mourners looked on.

Mr. Long was pronounced dead at the scene.

♪ ♪ (Celia fussing) Alice.

(door opening) (door closing) (Celia fussing) Hey.

(Celia babbling) ♪ ♪ (Celia fussing) Hey there, bubba.

(shushing) Uh... That's not... We should probably talk.

Yeah.

(lullaby tinkling) (cooing) LYNN (voiceover): What percentage of the days since I've known you have you thought about her?

100%.

(exhales) 100% of the days?

Yeah.

And what percentage of those days... Lynn, please... What percentage of those days we were dating, including the day that you asked me-- asked me?

Conned me, defrauded me into marrying you... She was in the past... What percent-- What percentage of those days did you think about her?

100%.

I should have...

I should have spat on you in the park.

I should have thrown you out of the taxi.

I didn't know it was still alive.

It was a scar.

It had faded.

I, I thought it was gonna disappear completely.

I didn't know.

We are, we are all entitled to a history, Jack.

Even, even if it does include some endless heartbreak, some boundless love.

I wouldn't have held it against you!

You would have gone into that clinic.

Oh, my God, I gave you a chance to tell me and you didn't take it.

And we passed that way but once...

It would've been awful.

Yes.

Yeah, it would have been awful.

And it would have been... (muted) and you would have come across as selfish and cruel, but it would have been right.

Do you really wish that I had told you?

Would you rather that our daughter wasn't lying awake in her cot up there right now?

We give fair warning, Jack!

That's what decent people do.

This doesn't have to be a catastrophe.

(wavering) Oh, my God... (sighs) Do you really think that I could wake up tomorrow morning, or any morning, and feel happy, or safe, or fully loved, or anything other than angry?

(exhales) Don't, don't... (sniffs) So I think what happens now is, um... you contact one firm and I contact another firm.

Lynn... You can ask around your office, see if anyone knows anyone, and I'll do the same.

Jesus Ch... Lynn.

You can sleep here tonight, on the couch... Lynn... ...obviously, but, um, just do me a favor, tomorrow just pack a bag and go.

You can stay at... (sniffs) you can stay at Paul's.

He's more of a soulmate to you than I ever was, anyways.

We'll be fine.

We'll, we'll-- we'll function as divorced parents... you know, because... we actually entered into this with good intentions, we were good people.

We just got... (sniffs) I don't know... what...

Unlucky.

I don't... we shouldn't be rushing into any decisions.

Oh, my friend.

This is...

Hear me.

(crying): I may be less experienced than you in the wonders of love, but I do know one thing, and that is that I am nobody's consolation prize.

(phone buzzing, chiming) Are you going to start up with her again after this?

(buzzing and chiming continues) No.

We... We can't.

And, and yet you did all this anyways?

(buzzing and chiming continue) Yeah.

Well then you really are stupid.

(buzzing and chiming continue) (bitter laughter) (thudding) Oh, my God.

(buzzing and chiming continues) (mallet pounding) (final hit, phone falls quiet) (sniffs) (mallet clatters) (Alice humming "White Cliffs of Dover") (humming continues) (seagulls cawing) (waves crashing) ♪ ♪ ALICE (voiceover): Hi, it's me again.

Just calling... to see if you're all right, I've been worried about you.

But I'm... (sighs) (Muted) wonderful.

Call me back.

♪ ♪ We'll agree to the higher payment if you agree to shared custody.

My client's daughter is not for sale.

What does that mean?

Shared custody is not in Celia's best interest.

Her father has a history of adulterous behavior.

Once again, there was no adultery.

I didn't say "adultery," I said "adulterous."

That's tricky, even for you, Yvonne.

It speaks to character, as you know.

But we're happy to let the court decide.

Of course you are.

All the better to soak these people.

Whereas you are Robin Hood.

Just stop it.

Sole custody, the higher payment, two visits per week, two hours maximum.

My client will not let his daughter down in that way.

He should have thought of that before he went to his ex-girlfriend's mother's funeral.

A minor offense in the scheme of things and in the eyes of any competent judge.

He lied to his wife's face.

Yes, he's the first spouse ever to do to that.

The higher payment plus 30%, shared custody two-third to one-third in my client's favor, schedule TBD.

That's outrageous.

We refu... JACK: Done.

You're wildly overpaying.

Sh... don't...

He's paying through the nose, grab it.

That's... that's, um, that's too much.

I can manage it.

I want you to have it.

(whispering): Are you sure?

Yeah.

Well, um, if you find that you can't, you know, we can just... you can just tell me.

Thanks.

Are we done?

Mm, mm.

Sorry.

(door opening) (pen dropping) (door closing) ♪ ♪ Alice.

Hey.

Hi.

It's good to see ya.

It's like I'm suddenly living someone else's life.

Where are you staying?

Paul and Donna's.

Are you eating?

Because it's easy to forget to eat, but you, you absolutely can't.

I'm eating lots.

And you've got to make yourself sleep, even though I know it's-- I'm sure it's not easy, but, just stay in bed until it happens.

Stay in sofa.

What about an apartment?

Donna knows somebody, so after this I've gotta go out and see a place in Forest Gate.

Let me help.

You need somewhere closer-in than that, You like to walk.

It's all right.

I can't let you do it.

(car horn blaring) And Celia?

How is she?

I haven't seen Celia in three days.

So I don't know how she is.

I'm so sorry about everything.

It's not your fault.

It's like completely and thoroughly my fault.

Who could have seen any of this coming?

It's just...

If you take that place, will you send me pictures?

And the address?

I just need to know that you're safely, you know, ensconced.

Okay.

Promise.

I promise.

How are you doing?

You said you were very good in messages two through 14.

I mean, you seem very good.

Yeah, I'm the world's happiest orphan.

That should be a T-shirt.

(chuckles) I'm born again.

Not religiously, but in every other way.

That's wonderful.

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ The advantage of coming all the way out here is you get much more space for your money in an absolutely insane market.

That's worth a slightly less elegant finish, I'd say.

We will get the rubble removed.

(water running) I can move in right away.

Yes.

Donna will be so happy.

Not that she hasn't loved having you around.

Let's go find Saul and pitch him the syphilis project.

I need another victory today.

Er, he said no.

I was trying to find a way of telling you.

You pitched it without me?

Well the meeting came, you weren't here.

I wasn't here because my life exploded!

Well, he knows that.

That's one of the reasons why he said no.

How does he know that?

People hear things.

What were his other reasons?

Money.

He won't go out-of-pocket on an issue that's strictly third world.

That's what we do!

That's what we wish we did.

What we actually do mostly is work for pay.

I'm wanna talk to him.

I wouldn't.

You've gone down a peg right now.

Jack Caine, model citizen and Boy Scout, is now "Jack Caine, (tutting)" Why are people so (muted) sanctimonious?

I can understand his perspective.

You can't do work that relies on inspiration if you're ashamed.

I'm not ashamed.

Don't be ashamed of your shame.

You're one of the few people alive who can still feel shame.

Treasure it.

(I.D.

card scanning) (banging) (knock on door) (smacks) (knocking continues) Hello?

Delivery for Jack.

Hi, Jack, I'm Maya, Alice's assistant.

Hi, Maya.

We've got a few things for you.

Come on, guys.

(crinkling) DELIVERY MAN: Where do you want this?

MAYA: Where d'you want this?

Um, just the kitchen... Just the kitchen.

I suppose.

Wow.

Bedroom?

Bedroom?

Bedroom's right... Up there?

...there.

Yeah, great, thank you.

Plants?

Mm.

Thank you.

And this is for while you're watching us.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

(footsteps approaching) I can't pay for... Oh no, no, there'll be no paying.

Okay.

(voiceover): Oh, it's incredible.

I mean, it is so touching and thoughtful, and everything, but... ALICE (on phone): All right, all right, all right.

But I can't accept it, you know, not, not all of... You went a bit bananas, don't you think?

ALICE: Let me fix what I can fix.

Alice, you sent lettuce.

(laughs) Well, if you return it, I will never forgive you.

JACK (sighing): Okay.

But I'm paying you back every penny, then.

It's a housewarming gift, you moron.

It's a (muted) house, Alice.

(Alice chuckles) If we keep talking about it, it'll be completely ruined.

JACK: Okay.

ALICE: And you're welcome.

Er, Maya, by the way, is fantastic.

ALICE: Well, you can have her, too, if you like.

Is she still there?

Yeah.

She's a taskmaster.

ALICE: She may have found her milieu.

(chuckles) You'll have to come 'round and see it sometime.

Yeah?

Maybe, um... (distant sirens) one night this week?

JACK: Brilliant.

I'll dress the lettuce.

(Alice laughs) LYNN: Okay.

(Celia cooing) Now... Now.

Look who it is.

Mm!

Look who it is.

Hello, darling.

Hello, darling.

(coos) Yeah.

There we go.

Hello, oh... (fussing) hello... Yeah, she's colicky, so... Yeah.

Oh, man.

Oh, I feel sorry for both of you.

In you go.

Yeah, well, you'll be sorry for yourself in a couple of hours.

(both chuckle) (fussing) Oh, it's okay, bubba.

(Jack shushing) LYNN: It's okay, honey.

(crying) Shh... (wailing) (shushing) Come here.

Shh... (crying) Oh, here we go.

That's a nice one.

(tapping car seat) (gurgling) Thank you.

Er, yeah, if she, you know, when she starts crying, if you're at your wit's end, just call me.

I'm sure we'll be fine.

Not that you, uh, look it, but I'm sure you want a good night's sleep.

Ugh, (chuckles) I'm sure I do look it.

Oh, breast milk!

(cooing) (clears throat) So, um, freeze what you don't use, and then you can have it for next time.

Great.

Mm-hmm.

(sighs) Okay.

(whispering): Sorry.

(both baby-talking to Celia indistinctly) Sorry.

All right.

(Celia cooing) Okay, you want to say goodbye?

Yeah.

Okay, bye-bye sweetheart.

I'll see you in the morning.

(fussing) Okay.

Mmm.

Don't frighten your father too much.

(fussing) Sorry... Oh sorry, yeah.

Thanks.

Thanks.

(door unlocking) Here we go.

I'll see you soon.

Yeah.

JACK: Oh, come on.

Out we go.

Now, where... (sighs) (doorbell chimes "The Charge of the Light Brigade") (shushing) (knocking) (loudly): Hello!

(whispering): Hey!

Shh!

(whispering): Hi.

Celia is inside, she's sleeping.

I'm so sorry, I didn't think of that.

I didn't think of that.

Hey, it's, it's fine.

It's just-- we said some night; we didn't say tonight.

I should have texted.

I should have texted.

It's grand.

I just, I just-- it's her first night here.

I don't know how I feel about-- I don't know how Lynn would feel about it.

Completely understood.

It was an impulse.

I shouldn't follow those.

Oh, uh... (sighs) I feel bad now.

No!

Don't f... this is my consummate bad.

I was never here.

Goodnight.

(groans) No, no.

Here listen, here listen.

Just... just come in for 30 seconds.

Have a sip of water, I'll feel better, and then you can (muted) off, okay?

(chuckles) Okay, but I'm only doing this for you.

(exhales) (whispering): Just be quiet.

(whispering): She's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life.

(whispering): We'd better not push our luck.

Mmm.

(sighs) It is very nice to see you so happy.

I mean I wish I understood it better, but... Oh, I don't want to talk about that, if it's okay.

I just want to be right here in this moment, and then perhaps the next moment will be as good as this moment, and then the next after that, and then pretty soon you're talking about a whole lifetime of great moments.

♪ ♪ (sighs) Jack?

If we were gonna... try again...

I'd want to take it really slow.

Be really sure.

Start on really firm footing.

So that it would last, you know?

♪ ♪ Wouldn't you?

Yeah.

(quietly): Yeah.

Mmm.

(Celia fusses) (Celia crying) Sorry.

That might be the 30 seconds up.

Oh no.

(crying) Shh.

ALICE: Oh... she's not happy.

(chuckling): I know.

(Celia crying, Jack shushing) Do you have a dryer?

(Celia crying, Jack shushing) Pop her, pop her in the middle of that.

All right.

Come on, darling, we're gonna go down just for a second.

Just for a second.

(Celia crying) (clothes dryer rumbling) JACK: Shh, shh, shh...

Here, love.

Do you want that?

JACK: No... (gasps) Hello!

ALICE: There we go.

(gasps) Ah, she's fine.

I know.

Oh, my God, it's a miracle.

Wow.

(whispers): I don't want to be too pleased with myself.

I will pay you good money not to leave tonight.

♪ ♪ (Celia crying) (Alice whimpers) It's okay, I'll go.

(grumbling) I'll do it.

No, let me go.

Okay, then, okay.

(laughs) If it fails, then come rescue me, okay?

(sighs) You're great.

(whispering): I am an unswerving delight.

(Celia crying) Thank you.

(Celia coos) Yeah.

(whispering): I'm behind you, it's not fair.

It's not fair.

(Celia crying) (babbling) It's all right.

(cooing) You're all right.

(cries, coos) You're all... Yeah... (Celia crying) You're all right, you're... (cries) Shh... (whispering): It's gonna be all right... Shh... (quietly): How is she?

(screaming): What are you doing, Jack?

Why would you do that, Jack?

Sorry.

Sorry, sorry.

Sorry, just keep... Why the (muted) would you do that?

(Celia crying) Come here... What the (muted)?

(Celia wailing, Jack shushing and kissing) (quietly): Who the (muted) does that?

(Celia crying, Jack comforting) You're okay.

You're okay.

(wailing) You're okay.

Shh.

You're okay.

You're okay.

Sorry, I... (Jack shushing) Is she all right?

(Celia crying) Yeah, she's fine.

She's fine.

(Celia wailing) (mutters inaudibly) (Celia crying) (quietly): It's okay.

(crying) (train clatters loudly on tracks) (people talking in background) Is there anything you feel you can tell me?

WAITRESS: You not enjoying it?

ALICE: No, no, it's lovely, thank you.

Just a bit of a late night last night.

I'm happy to get you something else.

No, honestly, no, we're fine.

WAITRESS: It isn't easy, is it, with a baby?

How old is she, he?

Um, she's nine months.

Like the perfect blend of the two of you.

(chuckles) Thanks.

I should get her back.

Yeah.

Do you want to... meet me at that later?

Just to watch it?

If you're not, you know, too put off by my performance last night.

I like kites.

So I'll see you there.

Bye-bye.

(laughs excitedly) Oh...

There they are, my brave little adventurers.

Oh, how was it?

Uh, it was, yes, it was exactly as you said.

Hello!

Oh, my bubba.

Yeah, there we go.

Oh, my bubba.

Oh, my bubba.

Do you want to come in for a tea or a coffee or something?

No, thanks, I've been, uh, mainlining caffeine.

Oh God, did she sleep much?

Did you?

(Celia coos) Bits and pieces.

Oh, God.

(chuckles) Ooh!

Sorry, she was pristine in the taxi.

Oh.

No, it's, um, do you have a, um, like a jasmine candle at your place?

(sniffs) No.

Have you started wearing jasmine suddenly?

No.

Then who's been holding her?

Alice came over.

Did she.

Yeah, she was great with her, actually.

She found out a way to kind of make her stop crying.

(overlapping): And did she stay the night?

(exhales) Not in the way that you think.

Christ.

What?

(quietly): "What?"

Um... We came at this with a spirit of kinship, Jack.

And now, at the first opportunity...

It isn't like that.

Oh, no, oh, oh, I can see exactly how it is, and how it's going to be going forward.

Well, well, well, well done, okay, great.

Just ground rules rewritten then.

Two words to the wise going forward, Jack.

(Celia crying) One: get yourself some jasmine.

And two: just lie to me.

I know you know how to.

Ah, it's okay, Bubba.

It's okay.

Yeah.

(door slams) (Celia crying inside) (birds chirping, footsteps approaching) Hey.

(kites rustling in the wind) (children chattering, dog barking) JACK: I think that one is a pterodactyl.

ALICE: Hmm.

JACK: It's by far the scariest of the dinosaurs, if you ask me.

You know, the other dinosaurs you could, like, see them coming and run away or hide or whatever, but a pterodactyl, you're just, like, minding your own business, and then... something grabs you by the face and flies off, and you don't even have time to leave a note.

(chuckles) (dog barking, children chattering) You okay?

My dad used to come into me room when I was a kid.

He used to wait until me mum was... passed out drunk.

He hated me mum.

He hated all women, really.

(dog barking) One time he didn't close the door all the way, and I saw her standing there in the corridor... watching.

Imagine clinging to a marriage like that?

You know what she said the next day?

"You stole him from me."

(children playing in distance) (takes deep breath) I really thought by now that it would be different, Jack.

You know, you do all the things in the world.

You run your gauntlet of caregivers... You learn about attachment disorder and all the rest.

And it helps, but, um... your present can't fix the past.

And there are just some... things and some people you just can't outlive.

The best that you can do is make yourself operational.

And see the good in people.

And love them.

And I love you.

But we don't... have a future together, you know.

(people chattering in background, dog barking) If you think there's any way I'll ever abandon you, you're wrong.

If I could be with anyone in the world... it would be with you.

But it will end in ruins.

Shouldn't it be my choice, too?

Knowing the risks?

No.

No.

'Cause you know them, but you don't know them.

Because we're supposed to keep our loved ones out of harm's way, not chuck them into it, screaming.

And because, honestly, I'd just rather die than disappoint you again.

You could never disappoint me.

I have.

No.

I have.

I will again.

You're like the incarnation of everything I've ever wanted... but I just can't have, you know?

♪ ♪ It's all your bloody fault, anyway.

Why?

'Cause you should've read the tea leaves, that... what, what's bigger than tea leaves?

Bloody palm fronds.

The Kremlin-sized collection of red flags.

But no.

You just like... (voice catching): ...loved me.

♪ ♪ Blind as justice and... (sighs) dumb as sand.

Anyway, it'll be someone else's problem now.

Until they figure out what you've found out, which is that you can't save people.

I never thought that you needed saving, Alice.

I don't think that you do.

I just thought that if we loved each other enough that, whatever the problems were, we'd be strong enough to get through it.

I don't know if we'll see each other ag... again.

♪ ♪ But you definitely have my permission to think about me and, um, imagine that I'm out there, somewhere... most probably thinking of you.

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ PAUL: Your life is good.

All this began as soon as Alice left the picture.

ALICE (on phone): Jack?

JACK: I haven't heard from you for three years.

Okay, my heart's beating through my chest.

You've got your heel on life's throat.

Enjoy it.

I do want her to be happy.

You want her to be happy with you!

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